I’m going through an annoying waiting period these days, professionally speaking (like a lot of people who work in film and television in Quebec) and one of the best ways for me to deal with anxiety is to clean or sort through things. It’s usually a soothing process, but the task I faced last week left me in a strange, moody state.
I’m not much of a pack rat and yet over the years, I have accumulated a considerable amount of documents that I have had a hard time parting with. After we moved in our new house last Fall, the boxes containing these documents were stored in the back of a closet. Out of sight but not out of mind! I needed to reclaim that closet space for other things. I’ve also been trying to convince Blork to sort through his massive archives and overwhelming t-shirt collection, so I figured I’d better practice what I preach.
I sat down on the floor with my boxes and wooooosh, traveled back in time. Grade cards from elementary school, university term papers with teacher’s comments (some great, some I would prefer to forget about, which is why I keep them), cards friends sent me after the death of my mother, letters from my mother I didn’t remember I had, photocopies of letters I’ve sent to friends, old diaries, datebooks, love letters, little silly notes from ex loved ones…
I went from laughter to tears and back to giggles in a matter of minutes (but it took hours and hours to do all the sorting work). Foolong said it well: It’s astounding what one can learn, saddening what one can forget. I couldn’t believe how intense I was in my teens, how naive I sounded at 21 (naive, and yet sometimes very, very dark) and how much time I lost over quarrels and worries. But what surprised me the most was the sheer amount of it all, even though I had already sorted through these boxes a few years ago.
Every time I go through these documents, I can’t help but think that someone will have to deal with this after I die. It’s a great motivation to reduce the amount of things I keep. I am now down to two archive boxes, and that includes old tax info I’m forced to keep. Will I ever let it all go?
Specialists constantly try to measure the time we spend watching tv, eating or sleeping. What I really wish I could count are the hours I have spent writing letters, notes, e-mails (and now blog entries)! While I’m glad I kept in touch with my loved ones over the years, I can’t help but think about the hours… All these hours I could have used to get in better shape, write a novel, a screenplay, learn Italian or meet gorgeous boys! (Forget the last item. I somehow found time to do enough of that.)
Speaking of writing less and getting out more, I’ll be doing just that in the next 10 days. Blork and I are taking off on Wednesday to attend a wedding and hang out with friends in San Francisco. I’ll probably blog less and play more, which is just what I need.