« Eva leaned back against the sink and crossed her arms. She was frowning. « It’s an odd dynamic, and one I’ve never been interested in, where you have such a difficult lover. And you feel, I guess, so grateful, so stunned by the moments of not-difficulty. I think people who love like that, feel this intensified sense of intimacy, because the intimacy is so hard won, so infrequent. It’s like intermittent reinforcement. »
« And what does that mean, intermittent reinforcement? » Daisy hated it when Eva did this, set things up so she’d have the pleasure of making some elaborate explanation.
« Oh, it’s behaviorism, the study of how behavior gets developed. And the theory is – or maybe it’s proven: anyway, the idea is, if you reward someone for a certain behavior every single time, they become less reliable in that behavior, they figure they don’t need to do it all the time because they know the reward will be there whenever they do decide to do it, so they don’t learn it as well – the behavior. Whereas if the reward is unpredictable – sometimes they get it, sometimes they don’t – then they’re more interested, more focused in their behavior, more anxious, more consistent. »
« So Gracie loves Duncan because he’s only wonderful to her every little once in a while. »
« Yes, I think that’s right, actually. »
From Lost in the Forest, the latest novel by one of my favorite authors, Sue Miller.
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« Miller has always been adept at rendering the complexities of family life, the way even well-intentioned, decent people can’t walk across a room without wounding at least one person they love. »
From a review by Kathryn Harrison in the New York Times.
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I’m so glad I’m over the « he-must-be-a-difficult-lover-to-be-interesting » phase. Peace of mind and peace of heart. Let me tell you, there’s nothing like it.
