This summer marks the 8th anniversary of my move to Montreal after living in San Francisco for… 8 years. How freaky. It feels like I was in California forever while Montreal is still a new thing, a place I’m not so sure I belong to, I’m not so sure I love. Leaving California was hard but most of the time I don’t regret it. Most of the time… until everything in the universe seems to conspire to make me nostalgic about the Bay Area and makes me long for those rolling hills.
On Monday, two of my dearest san franciscan friends, P. and A., were in Montreal for a short vacation and paid me a visit at home. They surprised me with a big announcement : they are leaving California and moving to Quebec City in a year. Wow. I was happy for them – it’s a decision they’ve considered for a long time since all of P’s family lives in Quebec – but I just couldn’t imagine San Francisco without them. They were some of the first people I met there and P. was the heart of the qu�b�cois community in the Bay Area, organizing social activities and keeping us all in touch. Visiting San Francisco without paying them a visit will not be the same anymore. I know it’s silly – I’ll see them more often when they live in Quebec City – but I was in a nostalgic mood, having just spent an hour preparing an e-mail full of info on my favorite San Francisco neighborhoods for my brother-in-law who is going over there for a business trip.
Last night Blork and I decided to finally watch the DVD of The wild parrots of Telegraph Hill which we had received through our Zip membership. It’s a beautiful documentary about a man typical of San Francisco (bohemian, gentle, generous and silly) who dedicated a big part of his life to the care of wild parrots hanging out on a city hill. With his help, you get to learn the personality of every single bird in the flock, each of them with a fascinating story. It’s funny, touching and SO san franciscan in style and spirit that it made my heart ache.
During a scene where the man is feeding the parrots, a few onlookers quietly walked by and stopped to watch him and the birds. My eyes widened. For a second, I thought I had recognized my friend P. Then the camera panned on the man next to the woman and I yelled: « It’s A.! It’s P. and A.! » There they were, my two old San Francisco friends, unknowingly part of this documentary, probably out and about on a long stroll in the city that is such a part of their identity.
I couldn’t believe it and took it very personal. It felt like a wink from fate, like a little hand wave, mocking me and gently reminding me that change is okay and that things don’t really change anyway.
I can really relate to that. This past week many of those same feelings have come to the fore since we’ll be returning for a visit soon. It’s an odd mix of anxious excitement to go back and sadness in the realization that we’ve become only visitors.
It’s interesting to read that about you because I pictured you more as a native than an interloper like many of the rest of us.
I’m actually from Quebec City so I guess I’ll never feel like a native montrealer. ;-)
To be honest though, I think I felt the same way about San Francisco. I was always aware that my stay there was most likely temporary, to the point where I only let myself buy new furniture (vs stuff people gave me) on my 7th year there… and ended up selling it a year later when I moved back to my home country!
The one difference for me between my experience in San Fran and in Montreal was that I LOVED San Francisco visually, esthetically. I don’t get these « oh my god, it’s so gorgeous » feelings in Montreal, which always keeps me a bit emotionally distant from it. You know, it’s like these guys/girls that have it all: cool looks, sweetness, smarts – but you don’t really feel anything for them and can’t make yourself fall in love with them, no matter how much you tell yourself that you should.
I also think that if you’ve ever moved far away from home, if you’ve broken that initial bond, you might never feel « home » again in any city. It doesn’t mean that you are not happy where you are – quite the opposite. Perhaps you can’t get too attached to the new city because you are now conscious that you could be happy anywhere, or at least that your happiness does not depend on your mailing address.
Would you mind sharing some of those favorite San Francisco must see and do?
Tu pourrais devenir chroniqueuse branch�e Radio-Canadienne… y’aura des postes � combler pour l’automne.
And just what did you do in SF for 8 years? I think you should share some of your good time stories.
Personally, I have lived in 3 countries, and 7 different cities, and I am always fascintated as to what makes others pick up and move accross the globe.
/What was Mark Twain talking about the coldest winter he ever spent… :)
Marie: Pour Radio-Canada, tu fais r�f�rence � des postes en particulier? (J’y ai �t� r�alisatrice-journaliste de 1998 � 2001 � la d�funte �mission Branch� – une des raisons pour lesquelles je suis revenue de Californie.)
As far as San Francisco goes, I left the city in 1998 and even though I’ve gone back to visit quite a few times since then, things have changed a lot and some of the bars and restaurants I liked are gone now. I loved hanging out on 16th St., Hayes Valley, Cole Valley, I liked the burritos on Church at Azteca Taqueria, the thai food on 14th and Noe at The Thai Restaurant and I absolutely loved and dearly miss hiking on Mount Tamalpais in Marin County. That should be a good start. ;-)
ITS: Let me try to give you the short story about my move to San Francisco: Got a Ph.d grant from Laval University to study abroad, went to SFSU in the film production program in 1990, absolutely fell in love with San Francisco, fell in love with a boy, decided to stay, worked terrible temp jobs after college, worked on my friends’ films not getting paid a dime, got married, got a great job at a computer magazine, learned all about multimedia production, partied for free as if the dotcom boom was never going to stop, separated, got a job offer from Radio-Canada, decided to give Montreal a try in 1998.
That’s about it! ;-)
That’s the Cliff notes version of your stay there, huh? Sounds like you have been through a lot.
Thanks for sharing!
Amazing that your friends showed up in that documentary! And i can connect to your feelings of semi-disconnectedness and longing. I feel like I am never going to feel totally « at home » anywhere again. The only place I felt that way was where I grew up – because of the landscape and how it affected me – and going back there for good is not an option! Now it’s a matter of enjoying aspects of various places, including Montreal, and trying not to dwell on the disconnects.