The Screenwriter’s Vow of Air Vent Chastity

Escape scenes through air ducts drive me insane, so I gladly took the « vow » as suggested by screenwriter John August:

I, Martine Pag�, hereby swear that I shall never place a character inside an air duct, ventilation shaft, or any other euphemism for a building system designed to move air around.

Neologism

Irritable Bauer syndrome (IBS):

A strong feeling of discomfort provoked by watching a tv show character who keeps making the wrong decisions week after week. Many patients report intermittent upper abdominal discomfort. Feelings of anger and urgency, and a feeling of « incomplete » narrative may also be experienced.

IBS is not an indication of another more serious disease, like madness. Irritable Bauer syndrome can, however, seriously compromise a person’s quality of life. Chronic and recurrent symptoms can disrupt personal or professional activities, upset emotional well being, and limit individual potential.