You make me feel like a natural woman

When I arrived at my hair salon last Thursday, I was surprised to see the place invaded with lights and cameras. They were shooting an episode of M�tamorphose, a Montreal produced makeover type of tv show.

I am used to crews taking over when they film on location, so I wasn’t too excited about having them around . Let’s just say that with all the noise they made, they ruined my relaxing head massage experience. The whole thing was making the hairdressers a little more nervous than usual – even though they were trying to act cool and detached, it is a hip salon, after all – and people on the street would stop to look in, probably hoping to catch sight of a famous personality.

My hairdresser is a guy in his early twenties with a strong appreciation of male models (he often shows me the hottest shots from magazines), who watches tons of movies on video and a fair bit of tv. We started talking about M�tamorphose and he said that he was surprised to see how fake the whole thing is. They had forced the featured hairdresser to say lines like « how do you like it? » while turning the chair to reveal the new haircut to the woman getting the makeover. « I’m sure they don’t stage things like that in What not to Wear, it’s so much more natural », he said. Even though I admitted that the hosts tend to be a lot more « natural » on these big American productions, I know everybody is just faking it.

It still amazes me how television can be good at pretending to be natural and how most people won’t notice the difference between a true « cin�ma v�rit� » technique and a staged shot or a heavily edited sequence. Hell, even « cin�ma v�rit� », by the sole presence of the camera, interfered with reality and influenced the course of events. Bring a camera somewhere and it becomes the focus of all the attention. People who are usually spontaneous start acting strange and self-consciousness kicks in big time.

My first tv job brought me both behind and in front of the camera (as a reporter and co-host). While it is still somewhat painful to see myself on tv, the first few times were by far the toughest. I thought I just needed to be myself to appear likeable and not phony. Ha! Was I wrong! My voice hardly registered in the microphone and I looked so serious I should have been reading the news (but only the bad ones). I sounded and looked like someone who wanted to excuse herself for being there. I had to learn to project my voice (like in theater, but only a bit less), I had to learn to smile even when it had no connection to what I was saying (just don’t smile too much) and I had to learn to stare at the camera as if it were some kind of lover I was trying to convince of something. All of this for a tv show about technology!

I felt ridiculous and very artificial at first, like the kind of girls I hated in high school. After the takes, I would ask: « Wasn’t this a bit much? ». The director answered: « No, that was it. You got it. » We would view the take together and I would be surprised to see how normal I sounded, even though I felt like I was doing too much during the shoot. The camera takes who you are and makes it very very flat and bland, while adding a few pounds in the process. You have to be yourself, yes, but also bigger, perkier and with a little more makeup, to be an interesting tv personality. I’m still not quite there and that’s why I tend to be happier behind the camera.

It is the biggest paradox about television but it’s true: it takes very good actors to make things look natural. Most tv show hosts that you see and appreciate have a bit of that actor in them, which allows them to look friendly and close to the viewers. That’s why a lot of them are annoying in real life, where they can’t seem to get back to their non-performing selves…

Gingerbread house

I’m sitting here working on the second draft of the screenplay, when I hear someone walk on the roof. Steps. Thumpch, thumpch, thumpch. Strange ones, like the ones you make walking on snow. Who the hell is on the roof? The roofing guy said he would call before he shows up.

I get up, look out the window over my little balcony, and catch a fat squirrel who just landed there, coming from the roof. He stares at me with spite, grabs a cedar shingle with his paws and takes a chunk off of it, then starts chewing.

I knock on the window. I make myself big and scary (yeah, that’s easy). I stamp my feet. He just stares at me.

It’s only when I threaten to open the patio door that he climbs back on the wall, up to the roof. Thumpch, thumpch, thumpch.

Squirrels eat cedar ? ! ?

And I thought all I had to worry about in the suburbs were mullets!

If someone had told me I would ever have to join a mailing like this one, I would have laughed at them.

It’s okay

Stephanie from Climb to the Stars has finally completed her studies (congrats!), and she writes about the odd feeling of guilt that still follows her around. She says:

It’s a bit strange how I just can’t seem to totally relax in my life right now. I keep feeling this underlying guilt I’ve got used to living with all these last years: guilt about setting aside what I should be doing (my studies), instead of having fun.

It took me years to get over that damn feeling after I finished my studies. I hated this nagging sense of « not doing the right thing » that kept me from truly relaxing and it is one of the reasons I have had no desire to ever go back to college and finish a PhD. 12 years after finishing my master’s degree, I still feel a little pang in the heart once in a while when I sit down to watch tv at night or when I take an afternoon off. Aren’t I wasting my time? Couldn’t I be more productive? And when I realize that no, it’s okay, I can take it easy, life is short and you die anyway, the feeling of gratefulness that overcomes me is as good as a bitter piece of dark chocolate melting on my tongue.